holiday season

Well, ya all it has been very interesting to work in retail during the holiday season. This week I moved into digital imaging and the time goes much faster than in appliances. I go back to appliances next week though. It can be so busy that four hours flies by without even a second thought. And people can be crazy pulling on you and such - very weird and not magical. As most of you know I am one of those people that loves Christmas. And I always find it weird how stressed out people get from Christmas and such. My thought on it is if you don't want to be involved in the Christmas hub lub then don't ...back out gracefully. You can do it. I think of it as a magical time maybe that is due to my mom. It is a time when magic really can exist, it really can. You just have to believe.
I personally (usually, sadly not this year) shop for things as I see them like - oh, that would be perfect for so and so and hide it away in a box in my closet until Christmas. Then it stays magical and never is to stressful. Don't get me wrong I love presents but why make yourself sick over something - why, become a crazed person shopping in a box store pulling on a strangers arm to help you find a gift for a person you don't really know.

communication.

Maybe this is the hardest thing in life to learn...communication. So much is tied up in communication feelings, emotions and views probably other stuff that I just can't think of right at this moment.
I know that it is a hard thing for me I take things to personally and get to wrapped up in it - sometimes, I get so hurt that I need time to think and figure it out which is usually days later from the actual event in question. It saddens me that I could have hurt others with my lack of communication. I don't want to use it as an excuse but I am sure my communication skills were definitely lacking during my recent depression spell. (I have always wanted to use that word...spell)
Depression is a hard thing to explain to others that have never suffered from it - it is a very dark place with no light or hope. By no way am I here saying I have been cured because one good day or one good hour can then be followed by many dark ones. Some say it is a selfish disease but I can't see that - one can only be selfish if they knowingly doing for themselves above all others. When one suffers from depression you can't see anything but how miserable you are and how can you be so miserable when everyone else is so happy - you want to be that happy person. It is not that you want to feel that way which if one was selfish would be so.

what??

So I get this call today from "the repo man" wondering where he should meet me to get my car?


What the f***k!

They asked me to surrender the vehicle almost 2 and a half weeks ago. This is not the first time they have called me to ask about the car which they already have.
They have the car!!!
They have the car!
T h e y h a v e t h e c a r !!!

a conversation heard in the park

So Thursday on my way to work through Meadow Park - I over heard a conversation that went something like this . . .
" I am not turning tricks for the Heroin (so and so)"
yes, that is what I heard and probably anyone else heard in the park that morning since she was screaming at the top of her lungs. and it continued on
" I promise(so and so) I not doing any tricks"
It is weird to look back and even be in the middle of suffering from depression and knowing your life is not that bad ( that bad meaning turning tricks and doing heroin and screaming at the top of ones lungs in a a public park filled with old people walking there dogs)- but being able to see past it - that is the key! - the key to it all, seeing past the darkness to the other side or knowing to hang on the darkness will pass. Logically I know my life is a hundred times better than the homeless drug addict in the park but I wonder is that how she got to where she is now? She couldn't see her way past the darkness to the other side? And gave up...

Luckily my whole hour walk to work only consists of maybe 10 min in the park and there is definitely alternative routes when I don't feel it is a good idea to cut through the park ie at night. Some how the walk which is the same route on the way home only takes about 40 mins -could that be inspiration. . .
I do like walking, most of the time it reminds me of France and the Camino -
I could do without the rain even though I know we sorely need it in this state