holiday season

Well, ya all it has been very interesting to work in retail during the holiday season. This week I moved into digital imaging and the time goes much faster than in appliances. I go back to appliances next week though. It can be so busy that four hours flies by without even a second thought. And people can be crazy pulling on you and such - very weird and not magical. As most of you know I am one of those people that loves Christmas. And I always find it weird how stressed out people get from Christmas and such. My thought on it is if you don't want to be involved in the Christmas hub lub then don't ...back out gracefully. You can do it. I think of it as a magical time maybe that is due to my mom. It is a time when magic really can exist, it really can. You just have to believe.
I personally (usually, sadly not this year) shop for things as I see them like - oh, that would be perfect for so and so and hide it away in a box in my closet until Christmas. Then it stays magical and never is to stressful. Don't get me wrong I love presents but why make yourself sick over something - why, become a crazed person shopping in a box store pulling on a strangers arm to help you find a gift for a person you don't really know.

communication.

Maybe this is the hardest thing in life to learn...communication. So much is tied up in communication feelings, emotions and views probably other stuff that I just can't think of right at this moment.
I know that it is a hard thing for me I take things to personally and get to wrapped up in it - sometimes, I get so hurt that I need time to think and figure it out which is usually days later from the actual event in question. It saddens me that I could have hurt others with my lack of communication. I don't want to use it as an excuse but I am sure my communication skills were definitely lacking during my recent depression spell. (I have always wanted to use that word...spell)
Depression is a hard thing to explain to others that have never suffered from it - it is a very dark place with no light or hope. By no way am I here saying I have been cured because one good day or one good hour can then be followed by many dark ones. Some say it is a selfish disease but I can't see that - one can only be selfish if they knowingly doing for themselves above all others. When one suffers from depression you can't see anything but how miserable you are and how can you be so miserable when everyone else is so happy - you want to be that happy person. It is not that you want to feel that way which if one was selfish would be so.

what??

So I get this call today from "the repo man" wondering where he should meet me to get my car?


What the f***k!

They asked me to surrender the vehicle almost 2 and a half weeks ago. This is not the first time they have called me to ask about the car which they already have.
They have the car!!!
They have the car!
T h e y h a v e t h e c a r !!!

a conversation heard in the park

So Thursday on my way to work through Meadow Park - I over heard a conversation that went something like this . . .
" I am not turning tricks for the Heroin (so and so)"
yes, that is what I heard and probably anyone else heard in the park that morning since she was screaming at the top of her lungs. and it continued on
" I promise(so and so) I not doing any tricks"
It is weird to look back and even be in the middle of suffering from depression and knowing your life is not that bad ( that bad meaning turning tricks and doing heroin and screaming at the top of ones lungs in a a public park filled with old people walking there dogs)- but being able to see past it - that is the key! - the key to it all, seeing past the darkness to the other side or knowing to hang on the darkness will pass. Logically I know my life is a hundred times better than the homeless drug addict in the park but I wonder is that how she got to where she is now? She couldn't see her way past the darkness to the other side? And gave up...

Luckily my whole hour walk to work only consists of maybe 10 min in the park and there is definitely alternative routes when I don't feel it is a good idea to cut through the park ie at night. Some how the walk which is the same route on the way home only takes about 40 mins -could that be inspiration. . .
I do like walking, most of the time it reminds me of France and the Camino -
I could do without the rain even though I know we sorely need it in this state

Christmas Trees

So I have taken this part time job on the weekends working at a Christmas Tree Lot - besides the extra money I was thinking I would be surrounded by happy people coming to get there tree for this holiday. Wow, was I mistaken maybe only 60% are happy and the other 40% are pissed off about doing the whole darn thing.

My thought on this - if anyone cares is...if your not happy doing something don't do it! If you don't want a Christmas tree then don't get one and save the rest of us from your grumpy-ness

Merry Christmas!

I just want to say....

I know that my friends and family are concerned. I want everyone to know that I appreciate your concern. I do however, feel as though I am being doubted and questioned right now... I want to try and explain my situation to you so you can better understand what I am trying to do for myself. Without going into to much detail and giving away private info to the cyber world masses, here goes honesty!



My current bills total over $1500.00. That is rent, car, insurance, credit, storage and phone. Not much right? Now try to image paying these bills when making less than $800.00 a month. I haven't included the now passed, Mr. Woo or my food, gas and medical bills! YIKES!

Its like squeezing juice out of a rock. Not gonna happen! I need to get my self out of the financial black hole I fell in to. This means I must sacrifice some of my dreams to box stores and Christmas trees.

To answer some of your questions...

Why did I leave the last spa? To begin it just wasn't working out right now for me to be there this moment in time. That doesn't mean I never want to work there again and maybe I should have not given notice and instead took a medical leave but if anyone even slightly understands depression, one can't really see well into the future. Mentally I was and am on the edge and to be totally honest the edge translates into not wanting to live (Don't freak out...I'm not doing it... it is an emotion I must feel in order to heal). So... Could I continue to work at a wellness center that isn't to be utterly honest that ...WELL?- And being a person who can pick up what everyone else is feeling (yes, for those that don't know - I can feel what others feel whether it is headaches, sickness, stressed out, pissed off, happiness what ever - sometimes I don't even realize that it is not me) and here I was trying to make others feel better when I wasn't even convinced of how I felt. Hopefully someday you all will understand. All of this doesn't mean I don't think that ANB will not succeed someday - I actually really do believe that it will succeed. But I will say this... I really hope ANB puts more value in advertising and selling their business to their clients. They have a great idea and other should know about it.

Did I give ANB my every effort? Yes, in the beginning I did. Did they give me their every effort? I don't think so but that is ok and doesn't really matter. Realistically I couldn't even afford to drive there anymore and to be totally honest there were times that I hoped and prayed for a cash tip so I could drive home. And then when the insurance payments were changed (I still am waiting for the insurance companies to pay ANB so that I could be paid for massages from October) from being paid upfront to waiting till the insurance company pays. Business wise I understand why they made the change but my pocket book couldn't handle it.

Not to mention that I couldn't sit there and watch one of the Doctors that works there treat Mandy like shit. So it was either I opened my mouth or leave.

Personally I also realized that I need the security of a real job or a least some sort of regular paycheck. The wishing and hoping thing just wasn't cutting it for me

My spending habits... I have heard this one before. If you consider buying groceries, gas and an occasional video extravagant then shoot... I'm guilty. I haven't gone clothes shopping or bought any jewelry. I don't do drugs (but maybe I should start!) and I don't gamble... (although I am good at Roulette)... so I can't claim to be spending money on frivolous things. The funny thing is I had another friend tell me to budget some money to do something fun even if it is ten or twenty dollars because your going to drive your self crazy if you don't do something you like to do once in awhile. So yes I spent twenty dollars at McCarthy's two weeks ago personally I don't think that that twenty dollars was going to make or break me.

It took three weeks to get my first paycheck from Best Buy and I missed part of my first week because I had gotten the flu. So my first real check comes this Friday (5 weeks later). Yeah!!!!!! Did you know I am a "Appliance Consumer Expert" and I have a shiny name tag.... DON'T BE JEALOUS!

My OC gigs... yes they can make me a lot of money but they are in no way a reliable pay check. I had planned on coming down there two weeks ago but if only two or three people are schedule it doesn't work out money wise for me to do it - do all that work and driving for 40 bucks?

I am so happy that many of you have made similar life changes as I did and have made the transition successfully. I recognize that I did not transition as smoothly as I would have liked. I am a dreamer and by now most of you should know that dreamers... well they dream. Have I actually made some progress on some of my ideas, yes on two of them! It is slow going when you have no money and that is ok because they are my slow going dreams. And why can't I talk about going on vacations? and seeing the world? or even finishing my walk. It doesn't mean I am leaving tomorrow. Do I want to? Most definitely! If you never dream it how are you ever going to make it a reality? If your gonna dream, dream big! But I still have to pug along with reality and paying the bills!

I hope this helps you to understand my situation a little more. I know that many of you just want to help me and I appreciate it but this is not something you can help me with. I have to do this myself and more than anything I just need my friends, family, their support and to live life to the fullest. I will make it through this slump and come out dreaming!

ummm

Blogging can be theraputic - that is why I do it.
Then it can be a source of stress when you have to filter yourself or answer questions abou what you had written or feel -
I often have thought about starting a new blog that nobody knows about - so basically this is a waring todays blog is sad and depressing and I do not want to talk about it - ok, ok.

I currently feel incredibly sucky about my life - like bad - like I can not even describe how pitaful i am right now - like I might have to go back on anti-depression medication. I am trying really hard not to -really hard.

I feel like the biggest failure in all areas of my life - finacially, romantically, friendships, career, everything wise and I know I made these decisions that got me her but I didn't mean it to go where it has got me - how did I get here?
This ...this is not where I meant to go - at all. At 37 I thought I would be in a totally different place I really did or at least partially or at least half way somewhere. Or, I would at least be happy.

At 37 I am basically starting all over again - I have started all over more times already than some people do in there whole lives - which isn' a bad thing but why can't I find a career that satisfies me? I do not even like massage right now - which, I never thought that would happen. I feel like crap and trying to make other people feel better just turns my stomach in to a knot and gives me a headache.

The whole car getting repo'd thing was/is really bumming me out - but, I think I have made peace with that (except for the finacial failure part) this might actually be the thing that gets me to exercise....isn't life funny at times. Got to get to work some how.

And friends I have to say I do have some of the best friends a girl or any person could have - They are there when I need them and there even when I push them away and there to help make dreams come true. They are so good that they are taking my depression and my feelings of being an inadequate human personally - I don't know how to fix that? - I don't think that I can? Really, the only thing that can make some one happy is themselves. Oh, and don't forget money he he he he he Just kidding.

One day at a time - one day at a time

contin.

Leo
Although it may seem like your life is on the edge of something new, you cannot see around the corner to tell what's coming next. Unfortunately, intelligence and logic won't reveal where the shifting tides will take you. It's time for faith and trust. Have faith in the wisdom of the changes unfolding around you and trust that, as you move through these changes, your life will get better.
By Rick Levine

I surely hope! So faith and trust huh? Sometimes I feel like I have those and sometimes I don't - right now I am pretty low and still trying to follow Law of Attraction but gosh! - I really feel like everything is falling apart and I know that is when you are suppose to cling to those the most - but, I definately have a hard time with that - I guess I always feel that it is really up to me to make things happen
I will keep trying

Just hanging on??????

Leo
Your emotions are running deep now, yet the conflicts that you feel can be eased by opening yourself to someone you trust. However, your concerns can stir up some pretty difficult issues. Luckily, you have an easygoing attitude that comes to your rescue. Don't worry if your optimism seems out of touch with the facts, for things will settle down later in the day or tomorrow.
By Rick Levine

So that is/was my horoscope for the day and pretty right on - I think breaking down in a public place would be the emotions running deep part maybe not?

One friend referred to it as not being to emotional but squishy - I like that! It even kind of makes me smile. Maybe it is time for the drugs?

It is the begining...

Ok, so I bought a domain today www.livethecult.com nothing is there yet but I did buy it - it is mine! So it is the begining right now I feel like this is the sum of everything I have ever done. Which is a lot. I hope to have more info soon but the basic idea is women who are not afraid to succeed!

The crack is getting bigger?

keep tryin

So, before I started my little project today of geting the blog caught up - I was feeling pitty filled - yeh, whatever I can have a day of pitty here and/or there. I know sometimes things do not work out because other mysterious things are happening in the universe (that we don't know about yet) it just sucks sometimes when nothing seems to be going right at all - this weekend so many things I had wanted to do and I couldn't do any of them ie Hardly Strickly Bluegrass Festival in SF, and the opening of McCarthy's which happened last Friday at 4pm. And yet I am still alive and I didn't get to do anything I wanted? Poor me I sound like a big baby. But I did get to get my blog current. Go me.

It is kind of funny I was thinking I hadn't done anything since I got back from Euope and then I got caught up on my blog - putting photos on and such and I actually have been really busy. Perceptions. It is all in one's perceptions. Open the mind and the eye lids I guess.

I - on the whole have been trying to be more positive (can you tell) or rather using law of attraction most days it helps some days it doesn't. I find I have to watch that "The Secret" video a lot to keep me in that frame of mind which is the Law of Attraction. So I have been trying to attract the following:

My life is filled with Gratitude, Happiness and love

I deserve Romantic Love

Money comes freely, easliy and fequently

and I make 80,000 thousand a year

Why 80,000. to be honest I don't know but it just sounds like an amount that I can still do what I want- like buy a house or travel but not be too selfish? Does that even make any sense?

Back to realty - So bills...too many bills almost feel like I am drowning in them. My friend Maggie, helped me get a job at a box store which is good and it pays way better than the hotel did and it will be better/more hours - I just wish the Dr's office job was busier. So I have to wait till they finish my background check and for my drug test to come back before I can start. Which means I finally will be able to get caught back up on my bills and maybe stay caught up and maybe get rid of them permanently. So probably will have a paycheck in about 3 weeks. Coorporate - got to love it.

I have been working in my down time on two projects that are actually very promising. It is kind of funny how it started I think I was driving my friend Mandy crazy and she told me I needed a hobby - to keep me busy in my down time. So I have been working on one idea with my Mom - a non-profit birthing center. And then another is an idea for a t-shirt design/concept. They both seem to be coming together and everything is just flowing ...even though if this happens it will have been started with no money - none at all. Isn't that the beginning of all great come back stories?
To start this story I am taking off for the OC, the land of money to make some money - I will be able to get caught up on the most important bills as well as buy my domains for those fuure business ideas I mentioned before.

Steph's Birthday Weekend 9/29/07

So it was Steph's 30th Birthday & she had this great idea for us all to go camping at El Capitan - it was like being on a tropical island - sun, sand & even dolphins made an apperance for us. So of course this is sexy Steph and below is the hot couple lil Heather and Cliff

The new Tecate holder
Monica and the kids

Elana and Mandy

The wonderful Leah & Lu Dog - just chillin
Handsome Dean and his brother - oh, these two have my heart

The boys Rob and Cliff

Rob with my kite and below is Monica doing a photo shot

Mondays with Mya 9/24/07

Sand & Toes aren't they cute little toes


Suncreen makes for great hair gel

Trying to make it to the top of the Old Firemens Trail 9/21/07

It is also called the Bowden Trail, or the Old High School Trail it is a great view of SLO from Johnson - but yikes it goes straight up

Watching the girls 8/27/07

Here we are at the old Morro Bay Aquarium - Emily is pointing to the very boisterous seal
Here he is ...isn't he handsome - he is also a great fish catcher as well - sounds like a great date - my friday night is open?It was as you can see a beautiful day - Emily & Mya in Morro Bay
Back at my place - it is nap time - or maybe movie time

My sister got married in Vegas 8/17-18/07

So these pictures are all mixed up but here is the run down. Most of us arrived in Vegas on the 17th I happened to bring some friends along because a weekend in the summer in Vegas is pricey and I was sure I would be out and about longer than my family
That first picture is of little Em after the wedding and partly through dinner.

Next is Vanessa (the bride) and Rachel after the wedding drinking Mojitos!

This is a terrible picture of me but look at all of those chips!!! I love Roulette!
The boys Sean must be so happy to have another male in the family!Welcome Wally!





This is actually the fist night Mandy was so happy to play the Top Gun slot machine. She lost :-(

This picture is actually after my sister wedding later in the night. Elana and me.
My baby sister Rachel and her hubby Sean - Wow they are out and about ...they even had a cocktail!
This was right after the wedding Heather and Rachel

Me & Mom
Next time I think one needs an extra day at the pool or the spa to recover from having so much fun!

Mimosa's on the Lake 8/12/07

It is not often that I go out on the lake. I don't think I could have picked a better day to take Mary up on her offer!

Me and Leah above

David and Leah above

and Turtle - ahhhh so relaxed!

So much

Is going on yet nothing at all...

So I quit the night job I just couldn't do it - I was becoming one grumpy M********F*****.

I went to a convention down in Long Beach and saw some cool new tricks as far as massge go - like Bamboo Massage. And found the coolest little irish pub - who knew in the LB - there would be a cool little irish pub.

My boss who took us to the convention also took us to Disneyland which was fun as always. I found a nemo halloween costume that Mandy helped me buy for my niece Mya who loves Nemo. I gave it to her this past monday and she was a little freaked out by the whole thing. I am guessing she doesn't get the concept of Halloween yet - or why I had a skinned Nemo in my room - either one I am guessing or maybe both.

I have condensed most of my storage units into one smaller one - which ment getting rid of a lot of stuff. So sad but really it is ok - If I haven't found a place of my own in the last couple of years then it probably isn't happening soon - so why keep paying to store all that stuff. It worked out well though with Maggie going through her big place and we had a combo gargae sale and swapmeet adventure. I have to say the mimosas made it easier. So we made some money and I can pay a few more bills and eliminated a couple of bills for right now that is a good weekend.

So with summer being over game night is back on our first one is tonight we will see how it goes - I hope it keeps going it can be a lot of fun.

tired

So I am tired! I slept most of the day today and I am still tired - I know they say you can't catch up on missed sleep but I thought I would try anyway.

Plus it was f***ing hot today so what else is one going to do besides drive around in an air conditioned car? Now, do not tell me that no one else thought of that as well...
I did have some friends that went to the lake but if it was 100 degrees where I live it must of been o 12o at the lake and that just is not fun to me. Sweating and sitting in the sun - dehydration here I come.


Then I get to work and pay day was yesterday the 1st and no paychecks until wed? WTF!!!! SO I said are you sure? Then I said I quit! I was walking out the door when they said stop wait we can work this out. Ugh!! I am to tired to put up with this crap. I do not work a night job just for shits and giggles - I do it because I need money and they want to pay me 5 days late? Maybe I am being a bit ornery but shit paychecks are do on the first they should be here on the first maybe the 2nd. SO here I sit after midnight hoping I get paid soon...

What am I doing?

Changes

Clearly changes will continue whether we want them too or not ...it is going to happen.

In my own life I have dealt with the changes of moving and career all in one swing - which I do not recommend, but if you need to get it done there ya go...go for the gusto. Rebounding can be some what more difficult especially when others have made similar changes and everything is going or what appears to be going great for them - and you are still struggling along. Why is that? Is there a lesson not learned yet? Or do others make major life changes more smoothly? All of this seems to be so petty or irrelevant when you look at the simplicity of life and death...

Tonight, in the middle of my shift I got the call ...our dear friend & favorite bartender from McCarthy's has passed on, he was at home surrounded by his friends and loved ones they he wanted it.
And what a beautiful night it was for dear Clemo - almost a full moon and a lightening storm that I haven't seen the likes of in some time - Cheers to you my friend cheers to you!

So in honor of Clemo and his "questions of the day" Has it all gotten to complicated? I leave that for you all to answer for your selves.


Just feel I need to say...

I hope you all know how much I appreciate and love you all

even though I may not say it all of the time - maybe this was the reminder that we all need to or should say it a little more often.

My brain hurts

So here I sit at work wondering... when will my brain shut off? So many things going on right now - I kind of wish I could just go to someone and ask all the questions...and get all of the answers. But, do I really want all the answers? Probably just want to know am I heading in the right direction? That was the biggest thing on the Camino de Santiago - was to at least know I was going the right way.
So in the big scheme of life am I finally heading in the right direction? Does anyone ever know if they are heading in the right direction? There is a question for ya.

This week has been crazy busy - it started with my sisters wedding in Vegas, then brought my 8 year old niece back with me - Tuesday Mary took me to see Flogging Molly one of my current favorite bands ...LOVED IT! LOVED IT! - work - work- work. I won a dollar from lotto on Wed and then 10 dollars on Sat that 8o million is come soon I can feel it. Vacation baby here I come!

And now Clemo... is well, nearing an end of a two year battle with lung cancer. And Maggie - wow! What a roommate - to hang in there with your roommate who has cancer and basically has come home to pass on. How many of us can even say we have friends that would hang in there through that? To help one die at home? What a fantastic human. Cheers to our own personal odd couple.

Workman's comp - I think a whole blog could be devoted to just that topic alone. My poor mom has been battling it out and I think she sadly is ready to give in - she has nothing left - which is what they try to do beat you down until you give up the fight. That system needs to be overhauled and badly. My mom who hurt her knee at work while delivering someones baby might now loose her house. Not much more to say about that.

Law of Attraction ...is it real? I am trying to be positive and focus on attraction but it is hard at times yet other times so easy. On one hand things in life make you or remind you that the small things are just as important as the big if not more so ...that phone call you keep putting off, a hand written note or even a post it. So many changes going on - death and beginning's - the constant search for the right direction. Is that all life is?

Well, my shift is coming to an end and I think my brain has actually quite -
Good Night
Be good humans

Law of Attraction

It might actually be working I won $10.oo from Lotto this week - Hippeeyyyy!!!!!
Bring on the millions

New Favorite Bar

Nine Fine Irishmen in Las Vegas - awesome!!!!

Well it has been awhile...

So much has been going on and I am plum tuckered out.
My sisters wedding was last weekend in Vegas and it was hot 111 wow! I guess what can you expect in August in Las Vegas.
The wedding was simple, beautiful and quick at Planet Hollywood. Which after the ceremony and dinner we went into the casino - what fun! I love the roulette wheel love it- go me with the green 0 bet! I really wanted to try black jack but all the tables seemed to be 10 dollar bets to rich for my pockets. Next time.
I also learned about timeshares and the sales people are just as bad as car sales people. But the good thing is I got two free stomp tickets and a free two night stay in vegas for the future. I just will never go to one of those again - ever!
I brought my niece Emily home with me so my sister could go on a honeymoon plus I thought this could be a yearly summer thing if it works out. She sort of freaked out on the car ride home when she found out that Auntie doesn't have cable or a microwave. And I wouldn't stop at every fast food place we passed. Things are good now and I think she is having a great time. Next year I would like to have her longer and maybe have her go to camp too. And do more fun stuff since I should actually be making money by then ...at least I hope so.

Guess What?

I won a dollar from lotto today...

Is it a sign ...now just waiting on the 80 million

When am I going to win the lotto?

yep, still hopeful even in my worst moods!

have i figured it out? probably not

So with the help of my little sis -I think we figured out why I have been freaking out seemingly for no reason lately.
I explained everything to her how sensitive or "thin skinned" everyone has said I have been and yada yada and yada yada. Which at this moment I want to say to everyone that knows me - I have a tender heart ,yes. I can be sensitive at times, yes. Isn't that why your friend with me - because I am who I am. I almost just apologized for being too sensitive but, I am not at this point in my life I am who I am and I am not apologizing for being to sensitive, to compassionate or to nice.

So I was explaining to my sister how I have been trying to be distracted by other things helping others and not even that has been working. Talk about a bummer - your life sucks so you distract yourself with someone else's problems and I couldn't even do that right.

This horrible funk I am in could be the result of a fiercely independent person realizing she has no control over anything in her life -currently, ever? I feel like I have no control over anything how busy I am at work, where i live - anything!
Which brings a point to mind do we ever truly have control over our lives? The oddest point of all of this is I do know that I have made the decisions that got me to this point? So that is where I am today wondering where am I going?
What am I doing?
What the fuck am I doing and where the fuck am I going?

Life just sucks sometime

and I do not have a reason why or an answer -

I know that nobody ever said it would be easy but gimme me a break

maybe it's just time for me to drink another snapple

so I can see the wisdom under the cap

Good Times in SF

It is so funny the way life works out. I had thought I canceled this trip even texted my friend that I wouldn't be meeting her in SF and of course she never gets that texts - calls me ok ready to go - all excited and what is a girl to do but say ok I am going. And since I have been trying to watch for signs and just maybe this was one that was saying GO!. Well, I am glad I did - I pretty much had a hellish week at work and was hating life and what a distraction. Met some new people and had a ball. I even fit in a trip to the MOMA which had Matisse on exhibit. I do have to mention one thing I know most of my friends are not museum people but would you talk on your cell phone as your walking around a museum? Would you talk on your cellphone in the presence of Matisse, Van Gogh or Rothko? I certainly hope not. I think talking on your cell phone or having a loud ass conversations is like doing the same in a church ...would ya do it there? When did people loose there manners?

Fasting & Detox

So my idea about fasting to help my allergies might have worked after all - I do not want to jinx myself but it might have worked! Yippeyy! So right after that juice fast I rolled right into an herbal cleanse for a week - yikes. I was thinking it was going to be a piece of cake, since I had just juice fasted for 4 days but wow it kicked my but. A couple of days into it I started feeling totally sleepy and flu like ...that's detoxing - who new - not me.
Anyways I have been house sitting for some good friends with a Pit Bull (who is just a love - the Pit Bull that is) and so I have not been home to puppy land since Tuesday - probably a good thing. I realized being a semi clean freak is not a good thing when there are puppies around. I am guessing I used up all my puppy fascination when my Mom breed dogs when I was younger. Don't get me wrong I think puppies are adorable I just think that they are messy and I really don't want one until it is trained and listens to you. I wonder ...if that is how my girlfriend feels about babies? She doesn't really like them and I never could understand why? Maybe that is it.
My shoulder has been kind of jacked up the last couple of days I am not sure what is up but it is really uncomfortable not sure how to make it better did the massage thing, chiropractor thing, I am going to try acupuncture next week so we will see if that will help.
Oh, and I think I have converted yet another to the wonderful ways of massage he hehe.

Hope this finds you all well adios!

The pups

Well, here they are
Little Lulu she is a cuddler if she could only go to the bathroom outside

This is Bosco and is a fiesty little shit but funny

I got a massage today and it was great! Way to long since the last one I need to get more regular, with work on myself you know the old saying "do what I say not what I do."he he he heh

Feelin pretty optimistic about the future today!

The major reason is probably because a very dear friend saved my but by getting me a fat loan to consolidate all my bills right now - which was and is a huge load off my mind. Never mind the fact that my birthday is coming up too... the big "37" which I am actually excited about. Why? Because, I am turning 37 and it is going to be my year! I deserve a fantastic year and since I have not had one yet ( a great year that is) 37 is going to be it! I also have August booked up with a lot of fun things concerts of favorite bands and bands I have always wanted to see and trips to SF, Las Vegas, and Disneyland what more could a girl ask for? Well, I am keeepin this blog PG for now so save the comments on that one. Oh, and one of my baby sisters is getting married so a wedding to boot! August is packed full of fun!

Lovin Life & All of you!

So nothing to exciting has been going on which is a good thing. Work is coming along s l o w l y. I have been kind of holding out the panic for the big open house they are having in August. I should be much busier after the open house. Plus, every time I start to freak I get a repeat customer which is the greatest compliment. I have still been watching out for the perfect chocolate location just haven't found it yet. And that cafe I had looked at a couple of months ago actually came up several times this weekend so I have been wondering is that a sign ...to go forward with that idea? I don't know.

So Friday I came off a juice fast which was just shy of a week long and for some unplanned and not very smart reason I broke my fast with Mexican food and a night of beers - not to smart. But boy did it taste good. So, now you are probably wondering... why, was I on a juice fast? I was thinking it might help with my allergies and that they are bad this year because I was filled with toxins and I needed to detox. Short story it didn't help. Besides all that - it was a nice weekend visiting with friends and just chillin in the hot tub. Oh, and my roommate brought two new friends home Sunday night named Lulu & Bosco ...two cute Beagle puppies that are not house trained so that should be some interesting bloggs to come.

This beautiful master piece is Mya's first finger painting- ever.

Snapple Cap again

The first person in the US arrested for speeding was a NYC cab driver - hahahah

We built it!

That's what Mya said when I said, "we are all done" (putting together her booster chair for my house - here she is sitting in it) she spouts off "We built it" she blows my mind sometimes. Had to share sorry for the crappy picture it is from my phone.

Hapy Birthday Heather !!!!

Music on the Mission

It was very crowded but, fun - met up with Alan, Amy &Tyson (haven't seen him in forever) of course it was all about laughter and good music

Congratulations!!

So I have heard through the grapevine that Congratulations are in order for some dear friends Dan & Myra for they are going to have a baby - yippeyy! Another little munchkin for me to spoil
Love you guys!
Lis

The Secret and the 4th

So my allergies got the best of me earlier this week and I had a pretty rough time of it - but, unlike usual I high tailed it to the Dr's office to try and stay on top of it.

While I was there I got a healthy IV (which I totally recommended to anyone for what ever ails ya) They put a movie in called The Secret which I guess was actually a book. So the basic premises is the law of attraction. So it goes beyond being positive to a constant great happy outlook on life. So I am going to give it a try - can't hurt right? Nothing to report on it yet since it has only been two days ...but, I do feel like I want to see it again - so we will see.

July 3rd, Mary, Leah and I went to watch the fireworks at the end of the Blue's game and they were pretty good only thing was it was CROWDED! Maybe even beyond crowded - not good for short people trying to watch a baseball game. It was nice though to just hang out with friends and have a good time.

July 4th - yesterday was just a really nice mellow day which was perfect since I still wasn't feeling to hot. Mary & David had a barbecue at there place. I was able to visit with some people that I don't get to see very often which was great! Mary's nephew came all the way from the LA area to spend the 4th with her so that was nice and I finally got to meet him ... Austin so cute. Some good quality time was spent with Mary's brother as well and I have come to understand he is just a big teddy bear for all things close to his heart. His wife Amy just rocks!
Miss Amy F was a great surprise as well - always great to spend time with her and hear about her most recent travels & students. Leah from the south keeps me laughing and I love it!!!! A great new friend can't wait to meet her man Fred. And I met more of David's friends. Being it was a mid week 4th of July work was necessary for most so it was an early evening.

Happy 4th ya all!!!

Grumpy!

I am just grumpy

I am tired of my life being so freaking difficult.

Yes, I know it is all in your choices.
But, when you think you are making good choices and things still aren't working out what do you do?
How long do you pause/ wait for something good to happen after a new choice or direction?
I know your suppose to listen to your gut - but, my gut doesn't even know which way is up right now - UGH!
It has got to have something to do with the dam planets like retrograde or something maybe planets are going to collide. For some reason that might actually make me feel better.

Closure...for all of us

So wow! I went to my first therapist party last night. I worked with those therapist for over three years and now that I wasn't their boss anymore I guess, it was OK.

I to be really honest here - was scarred to go. Maybe it stems from my feelings that if I hadn't gotten fired and stayed -things wouldn't be happening as they are now. But, I know that is not true and that is partly why, I am not there now - I disagreed fundamentally with certain changes that were coming down the pipe line for the spa. And in the corporate world if your not in agreement then your out!

It was actually very good for me to see all of those people - kind of like closure which I was missing and needed. There was so much pain - maybe, that is why I would never make a great manager because, I think of situations from all sides not just the business side. Things happen and the business world needs to realize that we are all people and things happen to all of us outside of our work life and that is a fact of life.

I believe that true healers need someone to listen to them, to understand them, and what they are going through, so that they can do what they do. Healers/Therapist are definitely a different breed of people but isn't that what makes them so great at what they do? The business world or rather corporations I don't think will ever understand that therapist/healers are not in a business model no two are a like or ever will be and I am thankful for that.

I realize now, that group of wonderful people -who did make me crazy on a regular basis helped me grow. They taught me to listen better, laugh more, argue better, and stand up for what I believe in that is way more than anyone could ask from their employees oops! I meant independent contractors. I love you all and wish you all the very best in your next endeavors.
I will especially miss Lynn & Ken's sense of humor, Mariela's and Colleen's understanding, Deborah's fight and sweetness, the sweetness of Meredith & Larry, Tyann who should have been a little fairy, Bebe's on the go-ness, Dawn's ability to do it all, CoCo's big smile, Bob's arguing OK, maybe I won't miss that, Carla such respect, oh, Coe what a big teddybear, and Dora and Tammy who were there when I started and knows it all - I am sorry I know I am missing a lot of you but I wish you all well.
Remember, that sometimes fate has a way of making decisions for you that you should have made for yourself - at least that is what I have been telling myself and may you all see what is so special in each of you that I see in you.

Did ya know...

A Snail breathes through it's feet - wow my raspberry snapple cap told me so! Could you imagine breathing through your feet good thing most of my shoes are flip flops - just in case that ever happens.
So yes, things are still moving along just much slower than I would like but moving along. Much like a snail. I hope I don't jinx myself but I am averaging two clients a week yippeyy! I am hoping for three or maybe four next week. I am still looking to add another job to my days - just haven't found anything that is either early am or in the pm's yet. I am hoping that - that really comes through soon so I can get myself out of this massive whole I have dug for myself.

Watching my niece has been fun but boy she is on the go and at her last checkup the Dr stated that she is at a three year old level as far as langauage and learning she is only eighteen months ...a little genius. Definately stubborn, my is she stubborn definately not a family trait.

So it ends up that I had stress fractured my foot on my trip to Europe so I had to lay off the walking for the last couple of weeks and I am hoping to get back to it this weekend at least try and see how my foot does that laser the Dr used on it really helped a lot like 75% better. I have a couple of friends that really want me to get into bicycle riding ...will see.

The weather has finally started to warm up here it has been so chilly with the wind - Yuck!
So I am glad the wind has died down. Thats it for now - later

Watching Mya

So this was my second Monday watching Mya this week we went to Avila - she is a riot. Last week we were at the park today she learned how to run from the waves (I love the action shot) and then to stand there as it goes back out - soooo funny. Then she was cold and it was time to go!

Here she is at the park
Playing in the sand
Watching the waves - which she was terrified of at first

This is the shot I love! I know it doesn't show her face but - if you were there and could hear her squeal - hilarious! She never did warm up to the seaweed.

First Weekend in June and Elana's here!

Elana had come to visit - now that she lives down south we get to go do fun stuff when she comes to visit. So we decide Montana de Oro would be a fun place to go. I am not sure why I forget how much I like tide pools, years can go by the time I remember to go see them again. Why so long - I do not know - especially, when they are so much fun! Not even June gloom - kept us a way. I loved it! As you can see the girls found a bright orange star fish
Yes, we did but it back
The colors were so bright - I don't even think this picture does it justice
Another beautiful day on the Central Coast!

We end the day with a Blues game - plus, they had some great fireworks - I was impressed! Go Blues!