Angel Cards Again

OK, today's were good...

Adventure Friendship Humor

Quote Time

One's philosophy is not best expressed in words, it is expressed in the choices one makes. In the long run, we shape our lives and we shape ourselves. The process never ends until we die. And, the choices we make are ultimately our own responsibility.

Eleanor Roosevelt

Walking

So the last couple of days I have been going on some big walks and boy has it helped that wretched mood I was in - plus, I finally got some call backs for interviews. I am sure it is all of the above but finally getting interviews is a load off the mind. Someone keeps telling me that maybe it is because I am suppose to be searching for something ...that is why everything has been so difficult. What the something is I do not know ...yet.

I really do keep pondering & investigating the owning my own business idea. Things seem to keep leading me in that direction. So I think it was early last week or maybe two weeks ago by now I decided that I was going to wait two months. I would keep working on my health and just be mellow for awhile. Except outside things keep happening that bring it up ...so is that the something.

Who knows what is next I do know I need to walk everyday it helps my mood by ten fold.

Hope all is well in your worlds.

Grumpy

Yep, I am grumpy and have been for a couple of days. No particular reason just pissed off at the world in general.

It has officially been a month now since I got back from France and it is just really irritating how nothing changes.

At times I can feel myself sliding into old patterns and I am trying really hard not too, I started last Saturday doing really long walks and boy does that help - I mean it - it really helps. My first long distance walk was from Olde Port Pier back into town - it felt good to be outside for hours. Allergies did become a problem once I was walking along Ontario Rd but I was close to home by then. Yesterday I walked from Pismo Pier to Sand Hwy - much better for the allergies and the messed up feet. I just might do that one again today. I need to do something or I feel like I am going to go crazy.

So unemployment decided I don't get to collect because "I did not explore every available option" with Sycamore. What kind of bullshit is that? So as I remember the only options were too become an independent contractor or to go along with what they wanted and manage the hotel and the spa in the already 50-55 hours a week I was working managing in the spa - mind you and only getting paid for 40! Why does it seem that the monsters of the business world always win?

When I do get my dream - of my own business I swear I am going to prove that you can be successful business owner and have morals and values! Mainly I want to prove that you can be a good oh, and here is the evil word...nice person/business owner.

I guess that is it for today because I can go on and on today about all the things that are pissing me off but who wants to read that? And I sure as hell shouldn't be typing it.
Here are a few things that everyone should remember...
someone is talking to you - listen
- don't interrupt
if you have made plans with someone at least call to cancel - don't just not show up
stand by your word
be nice

a feeling?

I have been wondering the last couple of days...does anyone else, ever have that feeling that they are suppose to or rather are going to do something big with there life? I have always thought it was kind of weird I never have had that oh my god I have to hurry up and have a kid before I get to old feeling but, I just figure it will happen when it happens, but I have had the feeling that I should be doing something more important.

And BIG that is kind of ambiguous I just mean whatever big means to you personally.

I have that feeling - and I have no idea what I am suppose to do. I actually don't even now what my passion is anymore - how sad. I guess what is sadder is that it took the Camino, and 3 weeks of solid walking, for me to realize that I had lost my passion my drive the thing that makes you get up in the morning. Someone had told me before I left that the effects of the Camino de Santiago would be felt for a long time afterwards. It is true in fact it happened again yesterday, learned something else about by myself and it is odd at times to be discovering all this stuff about yourself which you should have known all along. And it is weird how it happens it just suddenly occurs. Oh, did ya think I was going to tell ya what it was I learned - heheheh not this time.

It is weird I don't know if it is because I am somewhat of a planner not a lot but a little bit. And lately I have been in a funk I have this feeling that I am falling right back where I was before I went to France, which really bums me out. I keep getting these pictures from people of before the trip and afterwards what a difference - I do not want to ever get that sick and unhappy again.

So last night some friends had there first in a public place gig, they have a band, Red Eye Junction - I think. It definitely was not what I was expecting from them but, it was good and a good time. A lot of people from the old watering hole "McCarthy's" were there. It was almost a reunion of sorts for most. One person put it best I think, she said " I miss all the hugs, not so much the place but the people and the hugs." So that and with my "out on the town" experience from last week as got me thinking, there is not a just chill and have some good times place downtown anymore, that isn't to obnoxious, expensive, and irritating. Maybe that is my next big gig? One never knows what is around the next corner...

Update:
So of course it has still been insanely windy here and outdoor activity for me has been a bummer and I haven't found that underwater trail yet that I have been looking for so still searching. So due to allergie season no hiking - my stress level has been creeping up and up and up. I miss walking there is something so calming in it so easy - life was simplified. The feet? They are still recovering - problematic at times the one big toe is still numb at the top which is weird and there seems to be no pattern as to when the pain comes on but oh boy when it does.