a feeling?

I have been wondering the last couple of days...does anyone else, ever have that feeling that they are suppose to or rather are going to do something big with there life? I have always thought it was kind of weird I never have had that oh my god I have to hurry up and have a kid before I get to old feeling but, I just figure it will happen when it happens, but I have had the feeling that I should be doing something more important.

And BIG that is kind of ambiguous I just mean whatever big means to you personally.

I have that feeling - and I have no idea what I am suppose to do. I actually don't even now what my passion is anymore - how sad. I guess what is sadder is that it took the Camino, and 3 weeks of solid walking, for me to realize that I had lost my passion my drive the thing that makes you get up in the morning. Someone had told me before I left that the effects of the Camino de Santiago would be felt for a long time afterwards. It is true in fact it happened again yesterday, learned something else about by myself and it is odd at times to be discovering all this stuff about yourself which you should have known all along. And it is weird how it happens it just suddenly occurs. Oh, did ya think I was going to tell ya what it was I learned - heheheh not this time.

It is weird I don't know if it is because I am somewhat of a planner not a lot but a little bit. And lately I have been in a funk I have this feeling that I am falling right back where I was before I went to France, which really bums me out. I keep getting these pictures from people of before the trip and afterwards what a difference - I do not want to ever get that sick and unhappy again.

So last night some friends had there first in a public place gig, they have a band, Red Eye Junction - I think. It definitely was not what I was expecting from them but, it was good and a good time. A lot of people from the old watering hole "McCarthy's" were there. It was almost a reunion of sorts for most. One person put it best I think, she said " I miss all the hugs, not so much the place but the people and the hugs." So that and with my "out on the town" experience from last week as got me thinking, there is not a just chill and have some good times place downtown anymore, that isn't to obnoxious, expensive, and irritating. Maybe that is my next big gig? One never knows what is around the next corner...

Update:
So of course it has still been insanely windy here and outdoor activity for me has been a bummer and I haven't found that underwater trail yet that I have been looking for so still searching. So due to allergie season no hiking - my stress level has been creeping up and up and up. I miss walking there is something so calming in it so easy - life was simplified. The feet? They are still recovering - problematic at times the one big toe is still numb at the top which is weird and there seems to be no pattern as to when the pain comes on but oh boy when it does.